*WARNING*: this
is extremely long!!
I want to share my labor story, partly because I have had so
many people ask me about it (a lot of people told me that they didn’t realize I
was going to have a natural birth—I think I tried to keep it on the DL because
I didn’t want people’s opinions about it), and partly because I just want to
get it written down before I forget it and to have it for Elliana to read in
the future.
I guess I have to go back to the beginning to tell you a
little about why we chose to go the natural birth route. Honestly, I don’t know if I ever would
have considered it if it hadn’t have been for my friend Lisa. We met Lisa and her husband Quentin at
church the first few months that we were in Korea. They are a great couple—Michael really enjoyed hanging out
with Quentin playing volleyball, strategy games (like Settlers of Catan) and
watching UFC fights. A lot of our
friends had babies while they were living here in Korea, and one thing I learned
from them was I needed to have Lisa as my doula if I ever got pregnant and gave
birth here.
As I learned more about what a doula was and how she helped
women throughout their pregnancy, labor & delivery, and postpartum, I also
got to hear stories from countless women about what an amazing experience they
had giving birth! That is kind of
a rare thing to hear these days.
Most women tell you that they had horrible labor, that it was the worst
pain of their lives, that they needed pain medication, and that many pushed for
so long and then had to go into emergency c-section, resulting in a difficult
and painful recovery while trying to take care of a newborn. What I was hearing from these women was
that they had natural, drug-free births, and that they were so happy with their
experiences! What really got me
was hearing from ladies who had already had one child in a more “medical” way,
usually having a pretty negative experience, and then having their second child
with Lisa attending and how they said it was so much better. I even had a friend who had a c-section
with her first child back home and then had a VBAC here in water for her
second, because she did not want to have to go through the recovery of surgery,
and could not have been happier with the experience. I thought, wow, I guess I should really plan to hire her if
we ever do get pregnant here, and of course as soon as we were, I called her up
and hired her.
J Lisa had a pretty typical medical birth
with her first child here in Korea and didn’t have the most positive
experience, which caused her to look into birth more and drove her to become a
doula (and an amazing one at that), and a strong proponent of natural birth,
before giving birth to her second one naturally and at home in her tub. Lisa also speaks Korean fluently, which
was originally the main reason Michael wanted to hire her, so that we could
communicate with the nurses and doctors when we were giving birth. That was a huge plus for me too, but I
really was excited thinking about having a positive birth experience for my
first baby, because I’ve always wanted to have lots of babies!! :) So, the more we visited with Lisa and took the
Hypnobirthing classes that she taught, the more I knew I definitely wanted to
prepare for a natural, gentle birth. Starting in November we took the classes 4 Saturdays
and then for the next 3.5 months I practiced my relaxation and visualization
techniques, breathing, exercises, etc.
I really did a lot of work to physically and mentally prepare for
childbirth. And honestly I had
very little fears going into it and was praying and trusting for a smooth
birth. Lisa told us in our classes
that the majority of hynobirthing moms have pretty short, smooth labors, which
I was really hoping for, and would definitely be a plus and a perk from taking
the classes! Here's a link to Lisa's company's webpage,
Birthing in Korea.
So, my estimated due date was March 18, but I was fully
prepared to go late (first baby, she was small, etc.) and
Mediflower NaturalBirthing Clinic won’t start any inductions until you reach at least 42
weeks. My maternity leave
substitute had arrived a week and a half before and I’d spent a lot of time
going over how to run the library while I was gone with him, but I didn’t
finish writing my sub plans until Thursday night. Michael said as soon as I told him I had finished my sub
plans, he knew we’d be having a baby that weekend. I , however, fully expected to be at work the next Monday
and have a few more days before she joined us. Well on Friday, March 16, I woke up to get ready for
work. I thought that maybe my
water membranes were slowly releasing, as I had lost some fluid but not a lot,
so I figured it would be a slow trickle instead of a gush. I was so paranoid about my water
breaking in a huge gush somewhere in public! ;) Then as I was getting ready, I had my very first *real*
contraction. I had been having the
Braxton-Hicks practice contractions for months now, but this time it was
different, I felt some cramping pain along with it, so I knew it was a real one
this time. I was a little excited
but not overly because I knew it could still be days before I went into active
labor, so I told Michael and we were excited thinking maybe it would be that
weekend!
I went ahead and went to work, telling Michael that if the
contractions got too intense that I would leave and go home to rest. I also called Lisa when I got to work
to let her know that I had seen the first signs of labor, to let her know to be
prepared. She, of course, assured
me that it could be that day or a week later, so she said to just keep her
posted on how things went throughout the day, and if I felt like the surges
(that’s the hypnobirthing term for contractions) were getting more intense then
to go home and rest. Then I went
to the bathroom and had another sign, show, so I know that it was coming sooner
than later at that point. I was
excited but I still had a bunch of things to get done at work that day, not to
mention a few classes to teach. I
went throughout the day trying to just slowly breathe through each surge as it
came and ignore them for the most part.
I did start using my Contraction Master app to time them during the
first hour, but they were sporadic, about 7-11 minutes apart, and maybe 30
seconds long. I knew I had a ways
to go so I tried not to think about it and quit timing them. I remember telling a few random people
that I was having real contractions and that it would probably be in the next
few days that I would give birth, but I just kept about the day trying to get
things done so I would feel ready to leave. I was hoping to leave early, but things kept coming up and I
just didn’t get to. I did have my
classes do something pretty low-key, which I honestly can’t remember what it
was now, because I just couldn’t really concentrate or think about teaching at
that point. Haha I do remember one
co-worker coming to the library to find books on a certain topic and asking me,
my assistant, and my sub to help them find some books, and I just remember
feeling so irritable and wanted to just tell the person to look it up
themselves in the catalog and leave me alone! Haha So funny how that works. I was able to pretty much clean up all of my piles and
messes so that I felt comfortable leaving the library in the state it was in,
and I left work about 3:40 instead of 4, telling people I needed to go rest and
I thought I would not be back on Monday at that point. As I was leaving, two
coworkers were having a conversation and I joined in with them for a few
minutes, and of course I had a contraction during that time and I was just
quiet, still, trying to breathe slowly and pretend like it wasn’t
happening. I realized that it was
probably hard to hide at that point so I asked them, “did my face just turn
really red a minute ago while you were talking?” and they said yes! So I told them that yes, that was a
contraction and I needed to go home!
I stopped at a little mart on the way home to pick up some
fruit, Gatorade, and snacks to take with me to Mediflower as they encourage you
to eat to keep up your strength during labor. By the time I got home I was feeling pretty uncomfortable. I decided to lay down and time my
contractions, around 4:15. They
were lasting about 45 seconds long and between 5 -7 minutes apart. They were pretty intense (I thought) so
I decided to get up and move around.
Once I got up, the intensity lessened but they were coming more frequently,
every 2-4 minutes, but they were only lasting 20-30 seconds or so. So again, I knew I had a while. The things Lisa says to do at this
point are rest, move around, change positions, eat, drink lots of water, pee,
take a shower. So I just did these
things as much as I could. Michael
got home from work and I told him he needed to pack his bag and the food bag (I
had packed mine and the baby’s stuff the weekend before), but that it might
still be a little while. He
started to make some pasta dinner so I went back to lay down and listen to my
Rainbow Relaxation script (yes, it is cheesy but it works!), and I also
listened to and recorded some scriptures that I wanted to meditate on. At this point my surges were getting
pretty strong and I was feeling really uncomfortable. I remember lying on my side, listening to my relaxation
stuff and as it would come, my entire body would radiate with pain from my
lower back and I would feel numb, like I was going into shock. I just kept doing my surge breathing,
long and slow, to make it through the contraction. I called Lisa again and she told me if I could talk through
my contractions that I still had quite a bit of time. I decided I couldn’t take
it anymore to be lying down, so I got up and started walking around. Michael and I ate dinner, but I
couldn’t really sit for long, I had to keep getting up and moving around…swaying
my hips from side to side seemed to help the best, kind of like belly
dancing. I do remember asking him
how he felt knowing that this was likely our last dinner together, just the two
of us, in our home. He gave me
some smart aleck response of course.
J I think at this point I got in the
shower and just sprayed the hottest water I could handle on my lower back, resting
my head and shoulders up against the wall and swaying my hips from side to
side. It gave me a little relief
but of course it didn’t last forever.
I spent the next few hours walking around, moving around and trying to
relax and breathe through the contractions. Michael had been finishing up his grades, which had to be in
that night, and then he decided to try to take a nap to get some rest before we
drove to the birthing center and were up all night. I worked on finishing baking some muffins (I made the batter
on Thursday night but didn’t have time to bake them all) but it took me a long
time to get much done because as I was up and moving around, my contractions
were coming every minute and a half to three minutes, but they were still not
lasting long…it was just kind of exhausting. When I lay down again they slowed down but were still very
intense. By about 9:15 I texted
Lisa and said they’d been a minute long and 5 minutes apart for about 30
minutes…she said to try to wait another 30 mins or so until it had been 1 hr,
and by this point I was getting really weak and starting to get to the point
where I just felt like I needed to get to the clinic. However, Michael was sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him
because I knew I would need his help through labor and I didn’t want him to be
too tired to help me! So I took
another shower, and by the time I got out (around 10:30 pm) I had decided that
was enough—I woke Michael up and said we needed to get ready to go.
We left our house at 11 pm to drive to Mediflower. Thankfully, since it was late at night,
there was no traffic.
Unfortunately, our little Raindrop decided to come in the pouring rain,
so Michael had to drive pretty slow and it still took us about 45 minutes to
get there. In the car I listened
to the scriptures that I had recorded and just tried to breathe through while
bracing myself on the car door and the seat. Michael had called his mom as we were leaving the house to
tell her we were going, and I had called and texted my mom but got no response,
so I was hoping she’d call back.
When we were about 2 minutes away, my mom called me and I just remember
I had finished a contraction and I told her I was in labor and we were practically
at the clinic, and I would talk to her later. I was pretty far along at that point and I think she could
tell it in my voice. One of the
things that helped me in this early stages as I was breathing through the
contractions was to say in my head as I would breathe in and out, “breathe in
God’s goodness, strength, faithfulness, etc….breathe out the fear, anxiety,
etc”—which really helped me. I
read about this in the book Christ
Centered Childbirth and really tried to pray and focus on God and to stay
in control and not get overwhelmed.
We got to Mediflower about 11:45 pm and went upstairs. There are only 6 rooms in the birthing
center so it’s very homey and it is also always quiet when I’ve been there
(shocking as women are in labor and they are not screaming). They let me into my room and told me
that the built-in birthing tub was available so I would be able to use
that.
The front desk
The reception area at Mediflower.
Our room.
The hallway with 6 rooms off of it.
The birthing tub that we used.
Lisa arrived about 5 minutes
after we did. They told me that they would first hook me up to the fetal
monitor and monitor the baby for about 20 minutes, then they’d check me if I
wanted to see how far I was dilated, and then I’d be able to get into the
tub. So, at midnight they were
trying to get the fetal monitor going for the non-stress test (NST) but it
seemed like it was taking them a long time to get it going, and my contractions
were getting REALLY strong at this point.
My back was hurting sooo bad, and Lisa told me I was having back labor,
which up until that point I hadn’t really realized…I wasn’t expecting back
labor and didn’t think I would have it and even though I was I just hadn’t put
it together! Obviously I was a bit
in another world. Anyway, the pain
was sooo intense that Lisa started applying really strong counter-pressure to
my lower back every time I would have a surge, which really helped me. The NST showed that my contractions
were every 3 minutes, but the baby’s heart rate was low for some reason, under
110 (I found out the next week it was because the cord was wrapped around her
neck and every time I’d have a contraction it would tighten so she wasn’t
getting enough oxygen—THANKFULLY they did not tell me this or I would have
freaked out) so they told me that everything was fine and that they were going
to have me lay on my side and give me oxygen to breathe in and help the baby. So, I was given an oxygen tank and
breathed deeply and the baby’s heart rate improved, so then they monitored me
for another 20 minutes I guess. It
seemed like FOREVER! I just wanted
to get into the tub sooo badly!
After they were done monitoring me, they told me they could do an exam
to see how far along I was dilated.
I opted not to find out, because I couldn’t bear the thought of not
being very far along and having to deal with so much more. Now I wish I had just had them check me
but not tell me, just so I could have asked about it afterward, haha.
So then they started filling up the tub, which also took
FOREVER! Another doula named Donna
showed up a little after 1 am to help, she has just recently started working
with Lisa, so then I had Lisa, Donna, and Michael all there helping me, along
with the midwife that was assigned to me, Ann. They took turns applying counter-pressure to my back, giving
me light-touch massage, holding cold wet rags to my forehead, giving me water
to drink so I wouldn’t dehydrate, etc.
I found that I was most comfortable standing up and moving my hips as
much as possible. Sitting on the
ball didn’t do much for me, it hurt too much.
After what seemed like forever (it was 1:45 am), they told
me that the tub was finally ready to get into. At this point I was so relieved. I had been thinking the whole time I
was in labor that as soon as I got into the hot tub, all of the pain would just
magically melt away. It
didn’t! Michael got in the tub
with me and I tried to squat down on my knees but my back labor was so intense
that it hurt too bad to do it that way.
Instead, Michael sat down and I basically sat in his lap—he held me up
with his hands supporting me so it was almost like I was floating in the water
and my arms were able to dangle down and sort of relax my shoulders. I am thinking that pretty soon after I
got into the tub I went through transition, because it got extremely intense,
it seemed like my contractions were just coming one after another…Michael would
press hard on my lower back and then as soon as the contraction would be gone,
he would say, “I’m just going to move my hands for a minute to reposition,” but
as soon as he’d say that I would say, “no! Another one is coming—please don’t!!” because it just seemed
like there was not much down time between them. This was probably the hardest part. I was trying so hard to breathe through
the contractions but they were getting so strong and intense that it got really
hard to focus and I started panicking some and I felt like I was starting to
hyperventilate at times…thankfully Lisa was there to keep me on track and to
bring my focus back. She was
seriously amazing. She would say,
“Leslie—look at me. Deep breath….relax
your shoulders…chin down…just watch me” and I would look at her face and it
helped me to make it through those really difficult surges. I really didn’t think I was going to
make it. I remember crying out at
that point and saying things like, “I just want it to be over…when will it be
over?” and whining. In my head I
thought, “why didn’t I just take the drugs?” but I knew better than to say it
out loud with Lisa there! Haha
At 2:15 (I have labor notes that Lisa took so I have times
written down—I had no concept of time at that point!) I was having a hard time
just breathing, panicking and having a lot of back pain and Lisa asked me,
“Leslie, are you breathing or are you pushing?” and I asked in a crying/whining
voice, “I don’t know, what am I doing??” She said it seemed to her that I was pushing, so if I
felt like pushing that I needed to start breathing down. This is the hypnobirthing term for
pushing…but it’s not really pushing, it is breathing out deeply, down to your
abdomen, and directing the energy down to help the baby move. Not the purple-face pushing, grunting
and squeezing with all your might that actually makes it harder for the baby to
come out. Lisa told me that if I
was going to start pushing that she was going to go get the midwife and doctor
to come check me with the fetal monitor (as the cord was around her neck and
they wanted to be safe, though I didn’t know), so the midwife came to check the
baby and I started breathing down/pushing at 2:20 am. This part was tough but I felt like I was getting closer and
it made me feel better, though I was too afraid to ask how far along I
was. They gave me more oxygen at
this point to help the baby’s heart rate to stay up, and I was on the oxygen
tank for the rest of the time I was pushing.
Breathing through the contractions, before the oxygen tank.
As I was breathing down, I was starting to vocalize and it
was in my throat, which is really discouraged as is screaming (directs the
energy up and also causes your voice to be hoarse), so Lisa guided me to
vocalize down, saying “mmmmm” down low. It actually sounded kind of like moo-ing. J I would make the noise higher pitched
and she would mmmm for me really low, and so I would make my voice sound like
hers, which really helped. I think
even Michael was mooing along with us.
It sounded pretty funny, but it really worked. We did this for the next 50 minutes I guess.
At 2:35 I felt a loud “pop” and was like, “what the heck was
that?!” and no one else heard it so when I told them they said it was my water
breaking. So much for having a
funny water breaking story (which I was secretly glad about)!
A few other things I remember during this time:
o Michael
had made me a playlist on his iTunes of some different songs, worship songs and
some classical music…at one point I realized that there was a Christmas song
playing and I was like what the heck?
Michael apologized for accidentally putting that song on there (Mary’s
Boy Child by Harry Belafonte & Nat King Cole—which 2 weeks later was
randomly in my head and I couldn’t figure out why—then Michael reminded me that
was the song accidentally on the playlist!!).
o At
one point I put my feet up on the side of the tub (maybe when they were
checking me) and everyone commented on my pretty toenail pedicure, which I
remarked, “that is so old--from Christmas!!”
o I
felt like I was wearing goggles because I had wet rags on my forehead and an
oxygen tube in my nose…so I thought I was looking through goggles for some
reason.
o I
knew deep down that I was really close to the end but I was too afraid to ask
Lisa because I didn’t want to hear that it was going to be much longer!
At 2:50 Dr. Park arrived and I think that’s when she checked
me to see how far I was. Maybe it
was earlier by the midwife. Either
way, when they checked they said I was at +2 station, which meant they could
see the baby’s head coming out of my pelvis and I was really close to being
finished! I was so relieved to
hear that. I knew it would be soon
and I was almost done. I crowned
pretty soon after that, but I think it took me a good 10-15 minutes to push her
head completely out, even though it was small. I knew it was there but my greatest fear during labor was
tearing during the delivery, so I would push as much as I could during each
contraction and then just wait for the next one to slowly ease her
through. (I really thought
afterward that I made it without tearing too, but I was wrong—oh well! I had to be stitched up and that was
not fun but I didn’t really have a choice and I would much prefer that to an
abdominal incision!) I think it
took me at least 6 contractions to push her head through, and I just kept
saying, “I know it is soo close but I just can’t do it fast! I am just going to take it slow” or
something like that. They kept
telling me that they could get me a mirror to look and see her head, or that I
could reach down and touch her head, but I just kept saying, “no, I will see
her when she’s completely out.” haha I also remember that during this point, the song that
was playing was Relient K’s “For the Moments I Feel Faint.” Talk about a perfect song to be
playing! I love that song too and
I am so glad I heard it playing.
Finally, her head came all the way out with one last strong
push, and her body followed right afterward. She was born at
3:10 am! I could not believe that
it was over and I was OVERJOYED! I
just kept saying, “praise God!
It’s over!! Praise God!!” They lifted her up out of the water and
put her on my chest and covered her with a blanket, and the first thing I felt
was her little soft head full of hair.
It was the most beautiful feeling and I just couldn’t stop rubbing her
little head. I did ask them if
they checked to be sure it was a girl, and they said yes. I couldn’t really see her face because
she was on my chest and so little and tiny and so I asked Michael (who was
behind me—don’t know how he could have seen her either!) if she looked like an
Elliana—he of course said yes so I said, “okay, she is Elliana!” That was the name we had pretty much
decided on but I wanted to see her first to be sure that it fit her—and then I
didn’t even see her face but just knew by holding her that it was her name. J We sat in the tub for the next few
minutes, just breathing, holding our baby, and being overjoyed. Lisa took some photos for us too,
so we could remember that special time!
We waited until the umbilical cord stopped pulsing (so she could get all
of the nutrients from it first—and did you know that as long as the cord is
connected and pulsing that the baby doesn’t have to breathe through their
lungs?) and then Michael cut the cord—he got to feel it while it was still
pulsing too.
After the cord was cut, they let Michael get out of the tub
and gave Elliana to him to hold on his chest, skin-to-skin, while they helped
me get out of the tub and walk back to my room to lay down on my bed and deliver
the placenta/get stitched up. They
did all of the weighing and measuring right there in the room with Michael
standing by—never once took her away from either of us! She was 2.9 kg (6 lb 6 oz) and 48 cm
(18.9 inches) long. They didn’t
give her a bath—just towel-dried her off so that the vernix could soak into her
skin, which is why she looks so white in the pictures. After that, they brought her over to me
so that I could feed her for the first time and get a good start with
breastfeeding—which she did great at!
At this point Michael left the room and went to call our parents and let
them know the good news. Lisa and
Donna stayed for a while to help make sure she was feeding well and then they
left and I went to sleep. The next
few hours are kind of a blur—I was so exhausted and I think that I got a couple
hours of sleep for the first and only time in the next two weeks—haha And after I was done feeding her,
Michael took her and slept with her on his chest while he watched/fell asleep
watching the NCA basketball tournament on his iPad. The rest of the day we rested, fed her, and watched her
sleep. We had some visitors come
that afternoon to see her—Mike and Robyn Pettigrew, Clare Hubbard, and Mike and
Isabel Stanley—all the Kiwi co-workers!!
It was really nice to have visitors, especially since we were only there
for one more night after that and went home on Sunday around noon.
Midwife Ann weighing Elliana.
Look how huge the diaper is on her!! :)
She still makes this face when she is crying...she just looks so different now!
Little puffy face!
Daddy enamored with his daughter.
Me and Lisa--my amazing doula--right after the birth!!
Donna--another great doula--and Elliana.
Michael was so amazing throughout the whole birth experience
and I could not have done it without him—I felt that he was just as much a part
of it as I was, though he didn’t have to deal with the pain of
contractions. I knew his poor arms
were like noodles after holding me up in the tub for over an hour, but he never
complained and just supported me the whole time. I also love that he got to bond with Elliana immediately
after birth by getting to hold her on his chest and am so thankful for the
birthing center where we went, that they let us do everything the way we wanted
to and they never once took our baby away from us the whole time, and they
pretty much left us on our own unless we wanted or needed something.
When it was all over, Lisa asked me if I was glad I did it
the way I did, and of course I said YES!!
It was such a positive, beautiful experience, though it was a lot of
work—hence the term labor!!--and very intense and painful at times (back labor
is really horrible). I was so glad
that I didn’t have any drugs in my system or Elliana’s and I feel like that
really helped me recover fast and she did as well. Although the back labor was enough to make me not want to
have another one any time in the next year!!! Haha I did have some nightmares about them for the next few days
and kept feeling like I was going to have some more, but thankfully it was all
over. I do remember thinking—how
in the heck do some women update their Facebook statuses while they are in
labor?! I couldn’t think of
anything else at the time besides getting my baby out. It was hard work—but certainly totally
worth it!
I am so thankful I was blessed with the support and
resources to prepare me for a natural birth and that I really did the prep
because I could not have done it without all of the months of preparation, and
having Lisa physically there with us during the birth. She told me later that I was very
relaxed and that I did well, even though I felt like I was not relaxed at the
time. I guess it just depends on
your definition of “relaxed,” haha.
I do believe in the power of the hypnobirthing method. As I said earlier, Lisa says that her
moms that practice the hypnobirthing method and prepare for the natural
childbirth tend to have much shorter, gentler labors than the ones who
don’t. I totally see why now,
too. When you are mentally
preparing yourself for something and you think it is going to be horrible,
awful, and the worst pain you’ve ever experienced, then you are likely going to
experience that. If you plan for
it to be easy and smooth, though it may not be, you are still more likely to
have a smoother time…if you know what your body is doing and why and know what
to do to help it work like it should—it makes such a huge difference. I definitely recommend anyone who is
thinking about having a natural birth to look into hypnobirthing or some method
that will help you to focus and relax, and please hire a doula who is
well-recommended! It will make all
the difference in the world and you will be so glad you did it!! However, please don’t think that I am
saying the only/best way to give birth is naturally—that’s just how I wanted to
do it. I know there are many ways
to do it and each woman has to choose what is right for her and what makes her
feel comfortable. I do think
that the more you know about childbirth and your body and the more prepared you
are (don’t expect the doctors to prepare you or make the best decisions for
you), the better experience you will have. I just know that I wanted to be well-informed and know
that any decisions made in my birth experience were going to be what Michael
and I wanted, not what someone else wanted for us or what they were going to
just do routinely because that’s how they do it in the hospitals (like the
erythromycin that they put on baby’s eyes after they are born in the
hospitals—did you know that’s to prevent an STD that might be passed on by the
mother?! I think it’s ridiculous
the things they do that are kind of a one size fits all in the regular
hospitals—okay that’s all I’m going to go off on now ;).
If you’ve read this far, thanks for reading my story. Its taken me 6 weeks to get it written down and I’m sure I
left something out—which probably no one else cares about—but I just want to be
able to share this with Elliana one day and to let her know how much I love her
and how much I prepared for her to be born, and what a joyous experience it was!! A labor of love.
